Thursday, 24 March 2016

What did I do or WALT: What I was doing was writing about a time with friends and whanau. What I think I did well: I jumped straight into the story and I put more descriptive words. What I think I could do better next time: I could make the story a bit longer.

Recount: A time with friends.
“Splash” paint splatter all over the back of my head I turn around Boom Boom more paintballs flying out of the barrel towards me. I duck and fire the gun the bullets spray towards my cousin. He runs back to the tower and hides. I jogged after him to the tower he’s aiming the gun down the ladder to shoot me 5 minutes left to go my uncle said. Ok my cousin and I yelled I was peering through the gaps of the wood waiting for him to come down. Then I saw him peeking through the gaps saw I grabbed my gun and fired. I hit my target right in the face victory is mine.   


  1. Kia ora Jordan. I enjoyed reading your recount. Your opening sentences grabbed my attention. It is good to see your reflection on how to make your writing better. My tip is to check that you use the same tense throughout. I look forward to reading more of your writing. I think paintball would be painful. Laser tag is loads of fun.

  2. Hello Jordan, I liked that you put in your WALT so I know what you have been working on. I think your target is in a lot of pain after being hit in the face. I don't think you have to make your story longer, as long as you capture the attention of the reader you'll be fine.