Alazhay's Narrative Story
MY NARRATIVE STORY
Once there was a village named Helgen full with village people. The village stood in a remote location with tall trees towering over it. The only thing that was near Helgen was a dark giant cave engraved in a mountain with a scowling dragon watching over the people.
The people of the village were always happy. They danced around in joy and celebrated every moment of their life. At the top stood Laslo, the mighty king. He was a king who did anything to keep his citizens safe. Laslo's medieval knights, Quzi, Smosh and Jack were patrolling around the village looking for intruders, or the bad guys. His men were Loyal, trustworthy people who secured the village with their life.
There was a boy named Jeb and his mother named Alexstra who were always worried about everything. They were people who liked Living and Nature, But one day…
“Mommy why are there trees breaking?” said Jeb“I don't know but let's go tell the Guard!” Alexstra said “Uhm excuse me, my son said he heard trees falling” said Alexstra.“Hey Quzi let's go check out this forest” said JackThe two knights wandered off to check, but as soon as the walked through the gates,
RAAAAARR!! The dragon yelled, jumping out of the bush.
The two knights ran back into the village securing everyone into the castle.
The people where terrified and jumped backwards as far as they can.
The knights were suprised that a dragon lived near them.
“Get the bows Smosh” said Laslo
Smosh ran to get the bow and arrows down the hall while Quzi & Jack fought off the dragon.
Smosh sprinted as fast as he could to get the Bows, they lay just five rooms ahead of him
“I got them” Smosh shouted
Smosh ran back gasping for air, but he would do anything for the citizens. Smosh kept running until he got to his destination.
“Here King Laslo” Smosh said while restoring his lungs with air.Both of them ran down and started aiming at the dragon.
The dragon let out a roar, spewing acid from the back of his throat, out towards the village
The dragon traveled around the village eroding whatever came in its path“This dragon is mighty” Laslo whispered to himself
“Phh” Quzi let go of the arrow making a whistling sound on its way to the dragon. The arrow slit the flesh piercing through the heart of the dragon. The dragon ROARED leaving echoing sounds traveling through the forest.
When the area was clear, the citizens of Helgen were relieved that the dragon was gone and there will be no more chaos. The village thanked the knights and king for their bravery.
“Horrah!, Horrah!, Horrah.!” they yelled“
It will take many months to rebuild this chaotic mess but nothing can stop us” Laslo said to himself. Laslo and his three men were proud of themselves so they congratulated everyone with a nice cold drink...
Kia ora Alazhay my name is Raumati and I go to Tautoro and I am a Year 8. I have read your narrative writing and I think that it was very brave of King Laslo and his three knights to scare off the dragon and to give all of the villager's a cold drink after they were terrified of the dragon. I thank you for sharing your narrative writing with our school. Keep on writing good stories for people to read.
ReplyDeleteFrom:Raumati
Kia ora Alazahy my name is Keila from Tautoro School and I’m a year seven.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful start to your narrative story I really enjoyed it. I thought that you used really good descriptive words like adjectives and verbs and I thought you had a fantastic introduction in your story.
There were some punctuation errors that could be improved through proof-reading or getting a buddy to check. But otherwise, well done on a great narrative story.
From Keila.
HELLO Alazhay
ReplyDeleteMy name is Parehuia from Tautoro School. I loved your story about Helgen village, it was very interesting although next time I think you could describe the forest the two knights went to, to make it more interesting for your readers. Besides that I think there was a lot of writing in your story so that's good to see. Keep it up and you will get better at your writing - Parehuia.
Kia ora Alazhay my name is Raumati and I go to Tautoro and I am a Year 8. I have read your narrative writing and I think that it was very brave of King Laslo and his three knights to scare off the dragon and to give all of the villager's a cold drink after they were terrified of the dragon. I thank you for sharing your narrative writing with our school. Keep on writing good stories for people to read.
ReplyDeleteFrom:Raumati
Kia Ora Alazhay, my name is Anthony and I am a year 7 student at Tautoro School. I really enjoyed the action and the plot of your narrative. It was really good good job, well done, there was lots of creativity and imagination. But I have to give you some tips to improve for next time.
ReplyDeleteCan you re-read your work? Or share your work with someone? Just because I thought you could improve in some parts.
Instead of saying “said” all the time you could have used some action words (E.G: yelled, shouted etc…)
But I would like to appraise you for your creativity and I really enjoyed reading this story about Helgen, but anyways, good job,
See ya,
Anthony.
Kia Ora Alazhay, my name is Toko I go to Tautoro School i’m a year 8. I have read your amazing and interesting narrative on your Helgen. I like the way you described the dragon jumping out of the bush and using an onomatopoeia. Could you reread your story before you post it,you could share it with a friend. Thanks for your story keep up the good writing.
ReplyDelete